Transition... 2 years on.

I took my first dose of E around 2 years ago. I remember it well: I was terrified but I wanted it so badly. I wanted the changes, but I was overwhelmed by them. It took 2 hours, but I did it: I removed the adhesive and applied the first patch to my leg on my mom's instruction (she's also on patches!). Afterwards? We went to get pizza. The run up was a rollercoaster of emotions: excitement, curiosity, fear, and overwhelm to name a few... But the moment that patch went on, the apprehension evaporated, in its place: mellowness cocooned me. I felt at peace with my choice, held by its warm embrace. Things were gonna be OK.

Changes didn't happen as quickly as feared. I wanted them, though! Its just... Change, even if it's wanted can be overwhelming. I was also scared of other people's reactions. But its just as well: the only real changes I experienced for the first 3 months were softer skin and fat redistribution. Before going onto HRT, I was scared: What if I wasn't 100% sure somehow? What if I wrongly convinced myself that I needed this? But with each change was that reassuring spark of unelated euphoria. My fears of regret fading, quickly replaced by impatience! Where are my tits?! Fears of regret were quickly replaced by the morning ritual of looking in the mirror at all angles to see any budding, and that feeling of pure joy whenever I saw a new change.

Just over a year later, with a dose increase, my face changed, my body hair got thinner and my chest was... Nowhere near where I wanted: it barely filled out my sports bra. I didn't know it, but I was underdosed. So after a talk with my endocrinologist she doubled my dose, kick starting